Tomatoes Again


First, if you prepare a wee tiny garden like this (or even a super big one), you have to weed the damned thing beyond the very edge of it.  I know that’s more work, but you do.

Second, the two tomato plants in the foreground (one just below and to the left of the stupid watermark, and the other just above it) might actually be spaced more or less okay.  The big bunch in the center of the photo looks like somebody just dropped a handful of seed and said, “Fuck it. That will do.”

Third, why is there always trash in every single photo?  Always.  Why can’t somebody, anybody, just pick up the damned trash?

Fourth, that is not “sixty” tomato plants even if you count using “unschooling” rules.  But then, math is hard.  Of course, maybe somebody read my piece about tomatoes and rethought that ridiculous idea.

Fifth, gardening has not been a priority at the Blessed Cesspool ever.

Sixth, I don’t feel even slightly bad about laughing.


34 thoughts on “Tomatoes Again”

  1. Do you bother worrying about supports for determinate and indeterminate varieties? Or are you like me when growing tomatoes, everything gets a support?

    All it takes is one suprise afternoon thunderstorm on a heavy vine to ruin my harvest.


  2. We tried to grow tomatoes without supports once. Just a few plants.

    The word to notice here is “once.”

    We never did it again.


  3. That garden makes me feel much better about my tiny garden, and I’m not even pretending about wanting to do more than give us some fresh cherry tomatoes, greens, and herbs.

    I did buy a couple of rhubarb plants this year, though I guess I need to let the plant grow and get strong for this year so it can survive winter. I figure that most of my flower bed is perennial plants, so I should apply that same logic to my back yard gardens. I have mint, sage, and chives that come back every year, and hopefully now rhubarb too.


  4. It’s like she posts these grand attempts of hers for approval. From birthing to homesteading. The “likes” and the ohhs and awwws is all she really needs. She doesn’t like the work that it takes to follow through on anything. Dump some seeds on the ground, post a picture of the attempt at gardening, get the likes & slaps on the back, and then move on to the next post.

    I am sure she does want all these things. She wants the big, organic garden, the small earth friendly house, the number one dog grooming business, the close family, the healthy organic meals made at home, the many animals, the fresh chicken eggs, and the off grid life. What she doesn’t want is the work that it all entails. She wants the “likes”, the “recognition” that social media gives her. She doesn’t like it when people see through her posts so she lashes out. She is a fake, hypocritical person. She must know it and hates herself for it or she is totally just out there. She is probably very angry at her choices she has made in her life. Joe being the worse choice. Why she held onto to a guy who threw her over for another woman who he actually had a child with. If you ask me, Nicole wrecked that family Joe had with his first child. She should have just moved on. Maybe Joe would have been a better person had he stayed with the first family he made. That was, or should have been his number one priority. That baby and that woman, not Nicole, was his family. Nicole you are a home wrecker.


  5. Keywords here: “planning” and (not a) “priority”

    Things not being “priorities” for Nicole and Joe are their go-to rationales to mitigate failure. “Planning” deflects from the lameness. It’s their “good faith” to do better in the future. Always plans. Four years of attempting gardens, and this is the best they can do. With “prepping” and sustainability as part of their mindset, with an army of kids to help work the garden, you’d think they’d be the von Trapps of gardening.

    There’s no shame in posting the photo, because being successful is the wrong image to project. A miserable tomato garden says, “Look at our family. We’re trying to homestead, this photo shows we are! We’ve had other priorities. This garden won’t feed us all, and we have 12 kids……..

    “I’ll be blogging about the cabin soon.”
    PayPal button prominently on right hand side of page.


  6. As a longtime resident of Breckinridge County, the garden goal is having ripe tomatoes before the 4th of July. It’s a contest amongst those who garden, as of now my 32 tomato plants that have been planted three foot apart in rows three feet apart, carefully weeded and hilled are getting close, I will be enjoying the sweet juicy goodness of the first ripe tomato either on or shortly after that date. So far my spring garden has yielded yellow squash, zucchini, cucumbers, lettuce, turnips, radish, beets, green onion and cabbage ( there’s fresh kraut fermenting now with canning in another couple of weeks). Peppers are growing nicely and green beans are starting to bloom, melons have started setting fruit and the eggplant are blooming. I did have to replant sweet corn twice ( hard rains prevented germination of the first planting and animals pulled the second planting to eat the seed as it sprouted , solved that problem and pegged the missing hills) now have a nice stand about a foot tall.

    Oh, and I started my herb garden today, priorities


  7. That’s her square foot method 60 tomato plant garden? It’s not like this is their first attempt at a garden. More like the umpteenth failed garden. Self sustaining is not their forte. No problem, they’re “planning” a better fall garden. You know like they have planned a better garden every single year. Like they planned on building a bigger cabin. Like they planned… Hahahahahahahahahaha.

    The best part is we all know she put this photo up to respond to some comment somewhere about how everyone knows she is full of plans with no actuality when it comes to the garden stories or building a log cabin stories and whatnot. This photo is her “proof.” Hahahahahahaha. Well she proved us right yet again.


  8. WTH did I just see? Thats a garden? My local produce store looks WAY better than that, even the farmers stand looks better. I wouldnt eat anything from a place that has pee and poo all over, and insects flying everywhere, maggots crawling all over. Those things dont look well watered and the ground doesnt look tillered at all. I say the seed fairy laughed and passsed by. No wonder they are eating out of cans, and not a fresh garden.

    If you cant garden , which looks very evident in this case, buy frozen, at least its healthier than eating metal from a can.


  9. The trash kills me, too, Sally.

    It’s like they don’t even see it. Trash blindness. How in the hell can you pick rocks out of a garden and leave pieces of trash? (I would assume they’d pick rocks? Then again, this is the Nauglers.)

    The other thing I’m noticing in the pic, is that there is a huge shadow over the plants…..which suggests they planted tomatoes….in the shade. Brilliant.

    That little patch is so sorry looking, I thought for sure she was bitching about a parody page when I saw the picture. But nope…that’s her REAL garden. That she wants the world to see:)

    You know it’s bad when real life so imitates parody that you can’t tell the difference.


  10. Are those rocks and sticks among the attempted tomatoes? I guess the concept of gardening is difficult for the happy homesteaders. I’ve had ripe tomatoes for a coupe of weeks now and am getting a basket full every day. So far, the tomatoes don’t seem to be letting up. I did have an invasion of aphids but every morning and evening I sprayed them off with a little diluted dish soap.

    My very first garden was a mess. The tomatoes grew tall and bloomed and a few green tomatoes made their appearance and then the plants died. I asked my neighbor to look at them for me and he said why hell you got blight or some shit like that. He said to plant over plastic to avoid it because it comes back. After spending many hours at the county home extension office and at the library, I found a solution that doesn’t involve plastic. The fact is that every year, I learn about gardening. That’s not to say that my gardens are always productive but I put both the mental and physical work into it.

    It’s clear over in Naugville, the philosophy of half-assed continues to sabatoge their desire to be all earthy and self sustainable. I will say this for the benefit of Nicnaug and lardass: I will not need to buy picante, spegghetti, or plain tomato sauce for well over a year. I will have quarts of whole and diced tomatoes as well as Vegetable juice based in tomato juice. And i won’t have to buy ketchup or vegetable soup for well over a year. Finally, I never have to buy rotel because I can those tomatoes, peppers, and celery grown right in my back yard. I still can all my other vegetables too. I guess my point of doing your best is based upon my nanny who cared for me when I was released from children’s hospital. Her words were true then and remain true today: sis, she said, remember don’t half assed do anything but put your mind and your back into it and then if it don’t work, no one can fault you. She was right about half-assed. BTW, I’m a fixin’ to kill me some mocking birds. Went to check on the

    wild persimmon tree that turned out to be a very tamed plum tree and my fat cats walked with and any damn bird with a beak can see they are too fat to climb a tree or chase a bird but that didn’t stop the attacks on my fat girls. Now fatty butt has bald spots on her head and neck and Penny Candy has lost a whisker and has a cut on her head. AI, I’ve learned that good fences don’t make good neighbors, so I do sympathize with you….


  11. Maybe Joe would have been a better person had he stayed with the first family he made. That was, or should have been his number one priority. That baby and that woman, not Nicole, was his family. Nicole you are a home wrecker.

    Not sure if the quote worked but man!

    NO. JOE is the homewrecker. I have never understood why it is always the female’s fault no matter how many women a guy dipped his penis in. He knew where it was going and what was going on. She might have been partially at fault -it always takes two – but HE was the one who made the decision to screw around with two women. HE was the one who left the woman who had his child. HIM. JOE. Not Nicole. She didn’t grab him by his short hairs and pull him off her.


  12. You know you just crused the small world that cares to even closer close ups than ever right? “Look at this drop of dew on this lovely lily”. At least we used to get to see the lily as well dammit!


  13. The picture Nicole posted of the family tomato plants is sad.
    It represents what Nicole and her children’s lives are like. Unkept, random and surrounded by uncomposted assorted manure.
    Nothing to be proud of, but Nicole post it anyway…?


  14. Joe and Nicole are forever “planning” on doing this, that and the other. Nicole actually gets something done when it comes to the grooming shop, which makes sense since the income she makes from grooming is their sole support. But seriously Joe – that’s the best you can do after three years on your homestead – a few straggly ill-placed and poorly tended tomato plants? As Trump would say – SAD!

    I’m not a gardener – I guess just too lazy. My sister loves working in the yard. We have a nice house, and a medium sized back yard. She has better tomato plants in several planters on the back patio. Plus herbs, some pepper plants, a couple blueberry plants, some strawberries, and a nice little lemon tree. But these two, with their “plans” that never come to fruition, they take the cake!


  15. Meg Me Joe hadn’t made children with Nicole & they weren’t married. Joe moved to another state after leaving Nicole. He & the woman he was with became parents together of a little baby boy. Nicole could have said no to ever being with him. She had no responsibility to him and he had no responsibility to her. Joe did have a responsibility to the child he created with the other woman. Nicole made a bad decision to go back with Joe and two years later or maybe more, go ahead and has a child with Joe. She should have stayed away from Joe and his family. She is a home wrecker. I have never heard that it is always the women’s fault when a guy dips his dick. It is the woman’s fault if she puts up with it. Nicole put up with it (she says they were not together when he was with the other woman) by taking him back even when he was still having a relationship with the mother of his child. Nicole is a home wrecker. I wonder if she thinks she won him back from the mother of his baby? Lol! I wonder if the mother of the baby feels bad. In Nicole’s mind she must think she is a better catch than the other woman. Her badge of honor and winning is Joe. How pathetic.


  16. why…why wouldshe say poison ivy protects her hen? If an animal wants to get that hen, it will. Hope no one ends up accidentally trying to grab that hen for fun.


  17. They just need to throw some of their “humanure” from their compost pile on there and I’m sure those tomatoes will take off. I hear Naugler shit is magical stuff. That’s why they hoard it, right?


  18. What in Sam hell does Joe do all day, every day?? His lazy-good-for-not- a -damn -thing-big ass should have had the basis of a decent garden started years ago. I think I shall call him the drudge. Those people only have one priority, and that would be social media.


  19. This year I decided that i just had too much on my plate to have a large garden out. So the spot at I typically grow tomatoes in is laying dormant.

    I have four plants growing from tomatoes that fell on the ground last year. They look remarkably similar to the “garden” that the Nauglers currently have. I guess I am also a homesteader. Hahahaha!


  20. Why, why, WHY?! is a garden not a priority? My guess is, if it worked, someone would have to figure out how to can.


  21. @MIM: Something is busted in the comprehension department, to be sure. Remember that photo of the spiffy new outhouse–made of particle board and plywood, with a single bucket under a seat placed at adult height, suspicious buckling of the back wall, and no door at all?

    Or the previous outhouse, with walls made of sticks so far apart you could see everything inside?

    Or the rabbit housing, made of scrapwood and chicken wire, with no shelter?

    Or the crusty, horrible bowl of bean stew?

    Or the sink that had a gaping hole in the bottom and no drain whatsoever?

    Or the cast iron cookware hanging in the rain?

    Or the time she had the kids catch a bunch of toads and was planning to have them eat the things?!

    The Nauglers post this stuff with zero awareness that they’re ignorant, incompetent, and scatterbrained. And they won’t learn. They won’t ever, ever learn.

    I got curious, and for each time they posted something like this, I used good old Google to find out how to do it properly with little to no money or experience. And each time, I found the answer in 5 to 10 minutes.

    Just 5 to 10 minutes.

    But instead they spend hour after hour, day after day, on socks, accusations, threats, etc., etc., etc.


  22. I can see the tomato plants and the garbage, something wedged at the fence…human? I hope not. I am not sure how she thinks they will grow up healthy and make fruit. I think…she thinks…let them free range and if they survive, guess they get a handful of maters. She admits cooking is not her thing, neither is gardening. That garden reeks of failure from start to beginning and rather than fix it…just add a better fall garden to the ole plans list. I honesty do not know anyone that throws seeds on the ground and wills them to live free range. I do get volunteers from year to year from my cherry tomatoes and either thin, move or toss in the compost. As small as that little 2 or 3 tomato plant sized nightmare plot is, she could totally pull it off with some thinning, weeding, fertilizer, mulch, WATER and some tomato cages or stakes. Prune the suckers and it would be a small 5 minute garden, if that. It’s not really that hard, seriously…there are enough of them to pull it off.


  23. That’s the saddest, most half-assed “garden” I have ever seen. Clearly no fucks were given in the preparation and planting. Why even bother? So I guess the #unschool lesson of the day was “how to plant a shitty garden.” They were successful in that regard.


  24. Its not a priority, I have yet to see anything that is a priority. I would be ashamed to post a picture of that half ass (garden), when she and him fuck up it was never a priority to begin with. It has to be a bitch living on the abyss. Upteen kids and one on the way and everyone one of them a accident waiting to happen. But hey there her kids and I hope, I really do hope that nothing serious ever happens to any one of them and they need the help of the evil govt. Cause we sure know they dont mail off a check for the ACA every month, but hey,, just keep some monofilament around and a needle and any wound can be sewed up, Broken bones,, hell a few sticks and some duct tape, tape that broken bone up, But I am sure you know all this, You Tube is your friend.


  25. We planted a small little garden this year. Tomatoes, cucumbers, and squash. Yesterday after this post I went out and did some weeding and whatnot. I learn from Sally and I do what she suggested in other blogs. So far we have a giant squash and some cucumbers.

    Next year, because of Sally sharing her knowledge, I know not to plant so close together. I’ll make sure my climbing cucumbers have a lot more room and shit to cling to. I’ll put my tomatoes in an area that gets more sun.

    I listen to people like Sally and Al. Now I am closer to being a city homesteader than I was last year. Thank you guys for HELPING me.


  26. Looks like where I had my tomatoes last year, I will let them grow but I don’t expect much from them. New shed is just that a dry shed with no running water or a toilet, but hey they put in a French door.


  27. We’ve planted a (for us) massive garden this year. I started everything from seed, indoors (northeast). We got our plants in the ground, in raised boxes, just after memorial day. I am very jealous of those of you who already have tomatoes.

    We had a garden for the first time last year, and I planted my tomatoes too close together and didn’t prune well. We still got gobs of tomatoes. This year, I have planned and made lists and everything is very organized. I’ve researched companion plants and spacing and soil needs and everything I could think of. We also had surprise broccoli that grew from seeds that wintered. I was so thrilled when I saw them, lol. I can’t imagine just throwing seeds in the ground and hoping something grows. And I really can’t imagine being proud of that. My ultimate goal is to not pay for produce until the weather is too cold to grow, ha.


  28. If I remember rightly – their eldest Son was the “gardener”

    The eldest Son has gone and so has the garden.

    The chuck seed on dirt approach may be one that Nikki and Co need to reconsider. It is sometimes not enough to verbally instruct your minions on how to do things – sometimes you have to show them. Yes prophet lardarse!! that means prise said lardarse off whatever it is that you lounge on and educate your minions on how there are other ways to plant seed than you normally demonstrate!

    Seriously – they should check out Nourishing Days on facebook. They started with an RV and land- post photos of kids in dirt (dirt that grows things!) and yet they now have their second and more permanent house, a barn, five acres of productive land and animals. All done with HARD WORK!
    I know …… that was a complete waste of typing!

    p.s. I grew veggies in grow bags with my kids one year. Got loads of stuff! put runner beans up the fences and was giving them away for weeks! hate the things with a passion now!


  29. While HH is claiming he does marketing, public relations, customer service, and whatever other jerking off for his wife’s business, he is missing primo #unschool opportunities at the homestead. Gardening being one of them. Beotch, climb out from behind Nicole’s tattered, smelly skirt, get on Pinterest, figure out how to grow some shit and #unschool them kids, will you. What she thinks are braggy posts are embarrassing af. Since you won’t do the guy thing and bring home the bacon, why can’t you bring her ass a tomato at least?


  30. My brother-in-law owns several businesses. One of which is a lawn and garden place. This year, a garden wasn’t a priority for him(too much going on). Guess what, he’s planted a large garden. It’s weeded and thriving. All that by himself after putting in 10 hr days. That and without the NEED to feed a family with it. It’s a hobby, and he still puts the Naug parents to shame.


  31. Have none of the kids ever had to go to the ER that we know of? What are the odds of that? I have 3 and my safest, most cautious one broke her arm once. Another one has asthma, which is odd since neither my husband or myself really have any health issues. Most of my husband’s side of the family has had appendectomies when they were young, his brother was only 8. His uncle’s actually ruptured. I consider myself pretty lucky in regards to my kids getting sick or injured, they rarely get sick, but if I times my 3 by 4 to make 12….it would seem at least one would eventually have some kind of emergency room needed type of thing. Tetanus? That was my first thought when I seen the news article, tetanus popped right into my head. That garbage. Those old trailer home axles.


  32. @Jane: These are people who leave their desperately ill children lying outdoors to vomit in the dirt, sew up scalp injuries with fishing line, and believe that Clostridium tetani can’t infect a freely bleeding wound. I sometimes think with crawling horror of the day that one of those poor foraging kids picks some “wild carrot” that turns out to be poison water hemlock, because the chances of either of those people getting that child to medical care before the extremely short window of survivability closes…yeah.

    (Not one range map for poison water hemlock agrees with another. Do they know whether any is growing on their land? Or how to identify it? Or what it even is?)


  33. I sometimes think with crawling horror of the day that one of those poor foraging kids picks some “wild carrot” that turns out to be poison water hemlock, because the chances of either of those people getting that child to medical care before the extremely short window of survivability closes…yeah.

    And, with that, I was on the hunt. Old article but underscores its toxicity.

    Hemlock stems have little purple blotches and are smooth. Queen Anne’s lace stems and leaves are hairy.


  34. The problem with water hemlock is that it looks a whole lot like a whole lot of things. Pushki (cow parsnip, wild celery) is delicious, if you aren’t one of the unlucky few who get a photosensitive rash from the juice, and it often grows near water hemlock. In wet weather they grow to be unmistakably different, but in dry weather they can look so alike that that the only way to be absolutely sure is to dig it up, cut open the root, and look for the “Chambers of Death” inside. No chambers, no problem. Beach lovage is also delicious, and water hemlock growing in conditions that stunt it looks a lot like it. The big hollow stems are so tempting to children who want to make whistles or other toys, and just the juice in the stem is enough to kill you. In fact, one of the first cases I heard about was a boy who made himself an old-fashioned whistle from a hemlock stem and died the same day.


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