A Thousand and One Nights With Nicole, by Sheer Luck with thanks from the blogger
Night the First
Audience (meticulously handcrafted by Facebook); Amendment, fourth; Automobile batteries, weak; Automobile accessories, audio; Absence of commentary; Another allowance added to the Off-Grid Rulebook (now with Wi-fi); Armpits, itchy; Anonymous callers and their actual names; Amount of calls made to CPS; Audiovisual selections; Accidental talking to authority figures, and Alternative facts (aka “white lies”)
“The Sound of Silence” by Nicole Naugler
“My 80s Mercedes” by Maren Morris
– Curiously, Nicole has shifted focus to her armpits for this chat.
– What is she chewing? And what does she chew it with?
– Absolutely everything regarding the “We are just having a multi-day, whole-family sleepover. And making bows” scenario.
– Who are these friends with whom the Nauglers have “a lot in common”? How many web sites do they have? What did they name their socks? Do they like mud? Can we see their Amazon wish list?
– 122 people were watching Nicole chewing and scratching.
– Nicole has rights.
– You may have rights, too: See the video Ten Rules For Dealing With Police for more information. Fun for the whole family!
– Lies are sometimes Not Okay.
– There’s a nifty gadget you can get that will let you play your mobile devices through your car. It’s called a new car.
– You have to swipe left.
– There is wifi at the homestead. Because off the grid actually just means…cordless?
– “CPS can call the parents and see if they want to cooperate.” CPS can also not do that.
– It is NOT true that CPS had been called eight times regarding the Nauglers prior to the May 2015 incident. Because that figure is only the calls that had been made since they moved to Kentucky.
– The person who visited the property on the Naugler’s behalf while they were away was “not a pet-sitter, just a friend.” What a relief to know the animals really weren’t being cared for.
– Did you know CPS is really a tool to bully other people? It ranks just behind kicking sand at the 98-pound weaklings at the beach.
– Nicole does not exercise her rights to be oppositional; she exercises them because Joe told her it counts as exercise.
– Every time people get pissed at the Nauglers, they call CPS. Your position in the queue is currently at 1,676,249. Thank you for holding.
– The Nauglers do not have a lot of close friends. In other news: the world is not flat.
– Lies come in colors. Nicole’s are white. (Color splash available for an additional charge.)
Nicole’s Riddle Me This!
Q: Should you talk to the police?
A: Wait, wait – I know this one! The answer is Don’t Talk at all! And also don’t answer questions! But it’s OK to be chatty.