The Help Desk

Joe and Nicole have to fill out some paperwork. They need a permit to dump their buckets of human sewage on their property, and they have to get Jeremy “that idiot” Hinton to sign off on said permit.

permit

Thankfully, we have a volunteer who has offered to help them fill it all out.

I know Joe and Nicole will be grateful.

_______________________
Hey there Joe and Nicole,

Glad you’re reading the comments. Nice to see you still don’t have the character to respond to me directly and instead, choose to play this blog game. I was notified about your blog comments to include the use of my name again.

Rock on Pepsodent.

It’s unfortunate you continue to spin and exaggerate and lie. But hey, we’ve come to expect nothing less.

I wish you luck in your “landfill application”. A DFS-319 would have been much easier. But that blank DFS-345 is more fun. Funnier than shit actually.

Let me offer some help.

-Block 3 (Structures) Go ahead and put “sound construction with pallet base” in the addendum.

-Block 4 (Proposed disposal areas) Stick with what works. “We’ll toss that shit in the woods”

-Block 6 (Access roads) you can put “sorta. i.e. not good enough to place the shed where we really wanted to, but good enough to drive on if it hasn’t rained too much”.

-For block 7 (Proposed operations plan) “the spirit will guide us” might work.

-Block 8 (Monitoring Program) put “We are armed and will deal with anybody or any entity that dareth step foot upon our hallowed retreat.”

-For block 9 (Land use) Go ahead and put a question mark there. That’ll pretty much sum up what has happened to that land.

-Block 10 (Nitrogen Requirement) Here’s a great idea. Stomp your feet and remind everybody that the atmosphere is actually 78.09% nitrogen so this is obviously a statist requirement meant to deceive and force uneducated people to pay taxes.

-Block 11 (application rate) Simply fill out a variable application matrix that takes intake into consideration. Hardees probably differs from White Castle.

-Block 12 (Approval letter from local planning and zoning) You could call Valerie Chinn and get a news spot outlining how you’re being downtrodden and forced to comply with something that doesn’t exist.

-Block 13 (Endangered Species) Just put “human character” in there and it’ll probably make sense.

-Block 14 (Other required by cabinet) Good Luck.

You have a blank piece of wrinkled paper and a printed piece of regulations. I suppose I could put a blank application to Mensa up and assume it’s all taken care of?

It is funny shit. Keep posting. I appreciate the “advice” you keep offering. If you think I’m harassing you by calling bullshit on you when you drop my name . . . then “lawsuit” me. Go ahead and snag an attorney and litigate. Tell them I’m a troll and have hurt your feelings by making public commentary on your public commentary. I’d offer advice as well, but you wouldn’t take it. Actually, I don’t want you to take it. I enjoy the blog war you and Sally have going. It’s like watching a crazy person armed with marshmallows rush an M1 Abrams tank. Time and time again. Marshmallows bouncing off the armor. The crazy person keeps picking them back up and throwing them. Sally and I are sitting in the tank chuckling.

Let me put something into perspective for you. My entire septic system; tank, lines, permit, installation, sign-off . . . cost me $1400 a mere five years ago. I even owned my own backhoe, but it was ultimately cheaper to have it all installed by a guy I know that knows how the system works. All legal, all functional. At $106 a month, well, you do the exact science. Let’s not forget that there was a system on your land. You could have used that, but instead, you chose to dump your shit in the woods. The rain does wash it off. It does dissipate. It doesn’t compost. It goes into the ground water. My water.

I’m fine with you doing whatever the hell you want as long as your hubris, arrogance, ignorance, and sheer stupidity don’t compromise my water source.

Warm regards,
Al, your hardheaded neighbor that isn’t spending $106 a month on a turdis.

PS Since I enjoy watching Sally hand you your asses on a regular basis, I’m going to send her some money to pay blog fees. It’s worth the funny shit.

__________________________________

No consulting fee will be charged. This advice was offered free as a public service.

Note: I would far rather see any extra bucks donated to the Kentucky Sheriff’s Ranch (information in the side bar).

For reference, here is Nicole little message to Al from her shit-colored blog. (Why those awful colors?)

Nicole to Al

41 thoughts on “The Help Desk”

  1. So, let me get this straight. Jeremy gave them this application?

    He has a twisted sense of humor. I like him.

    I suppose after touring the BLH, he figured a landfill application was the best course of action.

  2. Al, you are a steely-eyed, hardheaded kind of neighbor I wish I had.
    The N’s are pithy, filthy, grifters.
    I commend you for your wise instructions and to Sally for having such an erudite guest poster.

  3. I will send money to the Sheriff’s ranch instead. I’ll start with $50.

    For reference, I was not wearing my “local hero, pretty boy, manlyest” leotards and cape while responding to Nicole’s bullshit.

    And the fact that they have a turdis is in fact . . . funny shit.

    Rocket surgeons.

    Document this.

  4. Al is such a helpful neighbor! Why on earth would they not like such a generous man?! Oh I remember.. Because he doesn’t believe their bullsh*t.

    Too bad. I’d love to have such amazing people living in my community.

  5. Damn it, Sally. My classes start again Monday. How am I supposed to study with you passing out whoopings on the regular?

  6. For two people who think they’re so damn smart, they’re pretty stupid.

    Hey, Nicole, read this VERY carefully. It will spell it out, you’re not ever going to be able to get a permit for a “composting” toilet on that sorry piece of land you rent-to-own. NEVER. And this might help you understand that:

    http://www.kentuckyonsite.org/documents/kentucky_regulations/902%20KAR%201085_Kentucky%20Onsite%20Sewage%20Sewage%20Disposal%20Systems%20Regs.pdf

    Pay attention to page 13. But let me help you with that part, too.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    (6) A site classified as UNSUITABLE may be used for on-site sewage disposal systems, if engineering, hydrogeologic, and soil studies indicate to the cabinet that a suitable on-site sewage disposal system can reasonably be expected to function satisfactorily. The site may be reclassified as PROVISIONALLY SUITABLE upon submission to the cabinet of adequate substantiating data to indicate that:
    (a) An on-site sewage disposal system can be installed so that the effluent will receive adequate treatment and proper disposal;
    (b) The effluent will not contaminate any drinking water supply, groundwater, perched water, or surface water;
    (c) The effluent will not be exposed on the ground surface
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    You really would find Google more helpful if you knew what you were actually looking for. Land farming does NOT mean just because you’re living in a garden shed on 28 worthless acres of scrub pine, you’re a *Land Farmer*, even if you’re growing weed on it. Even if you were actually growing corn or hay or any other crop, it doesn’t make you land farmer. So, your homework for today is to figure it out. You’re never, ever, ever going to get a permit to pour your shit on the ground. Ever.

  7. @Josie

    Careful. Now they’ll sacrifice untold dollars, hours, comfort and sanity just to prove you wrong. Just to spite you. Just to show you that they won’t be told anything. Sheer stubborn defiance.

    Hardheaded for sure. But myopically so.

    That’s part of the reason they’re still in Breck County.

    Funny shit isn’t it?

  8. Always interesting to hear from those directly affected by this family. The Nauglers seem to cling to the idea that they aren’t bothering anybody with their “off-grid” lifestyle, so why don’t mean people leave them alone? There are several problems with this position that have been pretty clearly delineated here. For me, the potential of contaminated land and groundwater is at the top of the Pyramid of Concern. In addition, one thing I’ve not seen dwelled upon extensively is the base of the PoC, which is the potential ruination of property values. Let me give you an example.

    We recently sold our house. We had a long-range plan to sell which included making many improvements to our property to make it more attractive to buyers. We were almost set…when our neighbor’s house was listed for auction because of foreclosure. This was disturbing for many reasons, not the least of which is if they were evicted, the property may potentially have fallen into ruin because the bank would not want to invest too much in taking care of it. They’d sell cheaply and be done with it…but this might take months or years. In turn, the lower sale price of the neighbor’s house, OR the increasing disaster of a vacant property would without question discourage buyers of our home from paying what our home was potentially worth.

    The entire neighborhood was concerned and one of the suggestions was to pool our money and buy the home at auction. Another was more direct and achievable. If the owner were to be evicted, we agreed to pitch in and water plants, weed the area, and take care of any types of exterior improvements and pest control. That is how serious it may be when someone forecloses in an otherwise pretty neat neighborhood. In our case, the issue was resolved when the owner was bailed out by some magical, unknown force.

    In turn as we were searching for our new home, the smallest thing could prevent us from even going to look at a house. Google maps or a google search has made it quite easy to spot problems without even leaving your living room. Then as we all know, when you seriously are looking at a new property, you might want to drive around at various times of day/night to check out the scene.

    By not caring for their property, the Nauglers may be, in fact, “bothering someone”. If I’m looking for a property and I see that next door or down the street, I’m noping out and not buying. I would be so angry if I were a neighbor that I can’t even tell you. Base of the PoC.

    Below are some links regarding how a neighbor can destroy your property value. I can feel my blood pressure rising just reading it. You take care of your property, pour your heart and soul into it, and have the love for the place where, say, you bought the first year you were married or that you brought your kid home to from the hospital. And then…neighbors. Our move was, mercifully, successful on both the buying and selling end. But what could have been haunts me.

    http://www.seattletimes.com/business/real-estate/a-bad-neighbor-can-ruin-a-good-appraisal/

    http://www.businessinsider.com/neighbor-trash-home-value-2011-9

  9. Below are some links regarding how a neighbor can destroy your property value.

    We had a rental house once that we had on the market. We had a buyer who had made an offer which we accepted. She visited the house one last time, and while there, the next-door neighbor came over and chatted. In the course of the conversation, the neighbor mentioned that the previous owner (before us) had died in the house.

    That was it. The potential buyer walked. She did have to forfeit her earnest money, and was outraged because we would not return it.

    I wanted to choke the next-door neighbor. WE did sell the house eventually, but it was on the market another two or three months due to that.

    If a house is old enough, especially in a market like that one which was full of retirees, somebody is gonna die there.

    There is no such thing as a ghost. Sigh.

  10. @ Josie

    I sropped reading at section 4. I am no soil expert, but looking at the photos of that pitiful “garden” leads me to believe that their soil is mote likely than not unsuitable according to the rules. I believe Nicole has admitted herself that the clay content of their soil in very high. That is why she was so fixated on raised bed gardening last year when I was busting her chops about not having a garden to feed her brood.

  11. Al, that marshmallows/tank bit will have me laughing whenever it crosses my mind, for the rest of the day.

    I’m drawn to this train wreck because it’s a lot like my own growing-up, if my mother had been shackled to a worthless abuser layabout who was regularly impregnating her and egging on her crazy until she was foaming at the mouth 24/7. If you had been *our* neighbor, my mom would have hated your guts, but years later I probably would have looked you up and sent a thank-you card of some sorts from my nice new life very far away.

    You might catch some shit, metaphorically, for holding your ground like you have … But if anybody is going to make a difference for the younger Naugs, it will be someone like you, and like Sally from a greater distance. When a child grows up surrounded by lies, they reach a turning point one day where they must either pull back the curtain on the truth and look at it full on even though it isn’t pretty, or double down and dig themselves even further in. Some little Naugs will end up doing the latter, because truth hurts, but at least some of them will opt for the former (maybe even have already) and y’all are there providing them with maybe the only framework they will ever know for having even a semi-functional life.
    That’s really sad, both for them (to be so abandoned and forsaken) and for you (to have these burdens a person would rather not have), but it would be sadder still if you were not there doing this.

    At the same time, I also understand it’s mostly concern for the local land and general sanity which drives your actions, so on the topic of literal shit … As in contamination and your groundwater, etc. … Please do keep us up to date as far as the law allows. : )
    If you’ll excuse me, now I have to reread this and laugh all over again.

  12. Oh lord, Sally. I would think I would have had to thrown a ham over his wall a la Ozzy Osbourne. Seriously. Anyone who buys an older house can pretty much guarantee that there’s been a death there. That’s how we used to roll (and how most people STILL want to die–at home, peacefully, in their sleep).

    Incidentally, I wanted to also point out that the owners of the almost-foreclosed home were completely isolated from our community. They drove into their garage and we never, ever saw them. They did not attend neighborhood picnics, holiday parties or anything else. I could not have picked them out of a lineup.

    I bring this up because if it had been one of our other neighbors who was involved in the community and ran into financial difficulty, I believe that many of us would have pitched in and helped well before it reached the stage of foreclosure. The fact is that other than looking the foreclosure neighbors up when they moved in (google search plus sex offender registry), I knew nothing about him or his wife, and I never really did. We had no clue what was going on with them. I should have twigged that something was amiss when a repo guy stopped by when I was playing basketball with my kids and asked me to keep an eye on one of their cars. Sigh. I told him to beat feet because I’m not a snitch.

    Summary: Isolating yourself from your community can only harm you. I’m not saying you need to have the neighbors over for Sunday brunch every weekend, but it behooves you to get to know them. Just a smile, an introduction, a wave, and no human excrement in your yard can do wonders. You have emphasized the importance of this many times on this blog, and this is yet another example.

  13. There is no way on earth that any neighbor anywhere in the vicinity would be OK with any landfill or alternative treatment plan for sewage. Its not even feasible that they would get the variance.
    If it even got to step 12, to be a fly on the wall during that public meeting.
    Seriously. There is a custom butcher shop right next door.
    Dumbass.

  14. ” Hardheaded for sure. But myopically so.

    That’s part of the reason they’re still in Breck County.”

    Pity that, but no one else wants them either. They’re too broke to move. It’s slim pickings for the grift these days.

    Way to go Al, I loved your blog entry!

  15. The Naugler attempts at being neighborly continue I see. If it wasn’t bad enough that they moved the shed so it’s a little higher and faces the neighbor’s they’ve also been spending their free time making Videos of the neighbor’s dogs and posting them on you tube. Nicole’s blog is still full of whining about mean neighbor’s and all about naming names.

    I saw the paper printed the disposition of Joe’s poop case. I’m still laughing over no stockpiling of poop. The latest photos of the misunderstood forms are just icing on the cake. I think I’ll make one with the contents of my pantry. 😉

    Bravo.

  16. My sister who lives in the Adirondacks, which is a breathtakingly beautiful area by the way, for years lived across the street from a HUD home. Usually the tenants of the home were of the caliber of the Nauglers. Well the owner of the home died. So what did my sister do? She purchased the house from the estate of the owner and had the house torn down. Prior to that house becoming a HUD home, it was a beautiful home, however the parade of tenants going through there trashed it. The entire neighborhood cheered that the blight on their beautiful area was gone never to return. Eventually she will have another home built and then give it to her daughter to raise her family when she has one. Local codes are there for a reason. The major one being top protect property values of the entire community.

  17. Al wrote, “Careful. Now they’ll sacrifice untold dollars, hours, comfort and sanity just to prove you wrong. Just to spite you. Just to show you that they won’t be told anything. Sheer stubborn defiance.”

    This is one of those situations they’ll be throwing money at without ever winning. With only minimum research, it’s easy for even a novice to learn that they will never be permitted to pour their shit on the ground. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you call the very man who must approve any hoped for permit an idiot, in public, no less, that very same idiot will never sign off on a permit. Never.

  18. Oh Al! You so crazy!
    Sally, no ghosts are not real. I sleep in the bedroom that the original owner, the wife, passed away in. There is a shelf in the medicine cabinet that still had her blush brush, a beautiful little glass jar with cotton balls, and a comb. We have lived here for 6 years and her shelf is how her husband left it the last 10 years he was here. I can’t throw that shit away for some reason. We found the husband’s UofL degree from 1943 in the top of my son’s closet and sent it to their son. It’s strange the little things you find after people die rather than moving.

    Oh, and the Naugler parents suck

  19. The Nauglers are beyond dense or something (or their devotees are) to believe that they will be permitted to store their doodoo on the ground. If it was really and truly composted then a very tentative maybe. But envision their practices in a residential neighborhood…just their poop practices. Does anyone with an ounce of sense believe that anyone would be okay with a pile of poo sitting there next door? At other places they’ve lived, apparently, the unschooled kids would drop trou and relieve themselves outside and even they whole family would sleep in their filth in the living room. Kindergarten-level understanding of sanitation are just beyond these folks. Evidently, the Nauglers (the hag and the hutt) seem to generally believe that potty training happens without them knowing how (unschooling opportunity). Does anyone with an ounce of sense think that even a turdis would be acceptable for a long term in a regular residential neighborhood? It would be okay in an emergency or short-term construction….maybe. But what what was I thinking? These are the Nauglers who blog about their desperate poverty, filthy and generally emergency-like lifestyle and bizarre people believe they are wonderful role models and give them money. Headache eye roll.

  20. Those were excellent suggestions, Al. Nevertheless I expect to see the turdis stand proud on the homestead for a very long time to come. They will never get that form filled out.
    It cracks me up to know that this blog is being passed on to the FBI as evidence. This will be one of their faves, I guarantee it.

  21. If I ever get to KY, I want to meet Al. You sir are a stand up man, and when you take a stand and believe in something, you do so with determination.

    Also ty for the laughs tonight

  22. I can’t imagine what potty training a child in the Turdis would be like. I’m sure she has at least one child at any given time who is somewhere on the scale of being potty trained.
    Is she pregnant again? If so, I hope CPS will insist on not having another unattended shitshack birth photoshoot. She needs prenatal care and the kiddo deserves a safe and sanitary birth.
    Although, an infection that leaves her sterile maybe a blessing in disguise…

  23. My husband and I could not stop laughing when we read this blog entry tonight.

    Al, That was totally kick-ass !!!

    However, knowing that Joe & Nicole were given well over $45,000.00 in cash and the cost of having a new septic system installed is under two grand pisses me off. Knowing those kids could have running water for under $500.00…… pisses me off all over again !!!

    The BLH Leghumper’s need to ask themselves, “Just where in the hell did all that money go that was collected for these kids?”
    These so-called Homesteader’s do not have anything to show for it !!!

  24. I’m positive they must still have a bucket inside of the shed. The children use at night and empty in the morning. Or are they making the children climb down the stairs from the loft and go into the turdis in the middle of the night? Maybe my family is strange, but my two kids that aren’t in diapers wake up at least once in the night to use the bathroom.

  25. Well done Al! LOL.
    All I can think about right now is $45,000 and no proper septic system put in and they all live in a garden shed. SMDH

  26. What a wonderful idea. Providing a tutorial for filling out those complicated government forms. I think there should be offices where the government hires folks to sit or stand at a counter and where there are folks in the back sitting at desks and those folks should be able to walk the Ns through these complicated forms….you know like last name first, first name last…address….phone number…..those people should read the form to N and that “articulate” man, J. That person should be able to help with the descriptions and explanations of complicated technical terms such as stockpiling, dumping, contaminating….If that doesn’t help, maybe there should be a one eight hundred number where another person can be available or there should be a manual that can help with these so complicated forms.
    All snark aside, they will never fill out those forms. They will have one of the kids draw a bird on it and send it in…they would rather complicate their lives by getting fined, going to court, hiring an attorney, going to court, paying a rental on a shit house, steal water, you name it….they refuse to make their life simple and I refuse to believe it is because they are some rebel fighting for freedom; they are lazy pieces of shit who would rather shit in a bucket and make their poor children dump that shit about their property than dig a hole in the ground and build a shack over that hole…they would rather haul water than dig a well….it seems that it’s the digging that is bothersome to J….and poor N…well, after 11 kids, you know she walks holding her using one hand to keep her uterus inside of her and the other one, well,we know she has to be connected. So there you go….two lazy adults and unschooled kids….wonder why TLC hasn’t contacted them yet. LOL

  27. I can’t imagine what potty training a child in the Turdis would be like.

    I have this awful feeling that potty training comes under the category of #unschooling.

  28. Once they dump the shit in the woods then it rains yes some goes to Mr Sneeds land 🙁 BUT most of it probably washes down the hill and mixes with all that Lovely Mud. You know Its a Gift from God for the kids to play in. ACK

  29. Bam!!! Great stuff – still laughing Al!
    I am imagining the next run in with the law. The officer’s first words, (after swiftly donning a pair of nitrile gloves), will have to be something like, “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to slowly show me your hands… Sir, Are you HOLDING any SHIT?”

    The county needs to install a huge road sign at the entrance to the property with a big red “No” circle over the image of a pair of hands holding a steaming pile of poop, in order to warn others and continue to help Joe and Nicole learn proper sanitary disposal mandated by their court unschooling instructors.
    Love how she goes to blogging on the “intake” end of this sorry biz now in her efforts to escape discussion of her current law lesson. They must be the laughing stock of the county now that it’s known Nicole and Joe Naugler can’t “hold or stockpile” their shit. Such injustice!
    (No, no chance in hell they’ll get anywhere with a permit. Beside their incompetence, they have created too many “idiot” enemies who never forget.)

  30. Just for fun(haha) I looked up 902 KAR 10:150 on Google.
    This number is at the top of the wrinkled from sweaty fist now I can do it page from the evil government pages posted by Nicole.
    I don’t have time to follow up on all the other reference numbers to other required, and numbered reading pages that showed up in my momentary quest, but all that information that the Nauglers have been so desperately searching for is there…Just follow all the numbers, and then go back to school for a doctorate in reading government issued papers…
    But I’m betting, Joe will try to read some of them, apply his infinite knowledge and wisdom and decide what the permits are actually saying.
    Just type in the numbers and don’t forget those two dot thingies.
    Just thought I’d help too. Smiley face with a wink.

  31. “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to slowly show me your hands… Sir, Are you HOLDING any SHIT?”

    LOL Okay, you win the internet today. That is just funny.

  32. Oh my, Thank you. I am so happy to have given something back to you Sally!
    Congrats on your blog and always sharing with us your wit and talent along with your humanism. You are a very special lady, and always make me laugh or shake my head and cringe with all of these OMG moments.

  33. Katherine wrote ” I’m positive they must still have a bucket inside of the shed. The children use at night and empty in the morning. Or are they making the children climb down the stairs from the loft and go into the turdis in the middle of the night? Maybe my family is strange, but my two kids that aren’t in diapers wake up at least once in the night to use the bathroom.”

    Her idea of potty training is to put diapers on every kid who can’t manage to get to the turdis on their own during the night and then have the kids run around half naked so they can just pee and poo anywhere they like during the day. Unschooling at it’s finest, they will figure it out. I am sure if you ask her how her kids learned how to go potty she will say “I’m not sure” , just like reading! Besides her philosophy is that if the kids can walk, they can do chores so I guess cleaning up their own poo is their responsibility as well!

  34. So I seen her again today at work (2nd day in a row) and I would have to say that she is not pregnant.

  35. “Besides her philosophy is that if the kids can walk, they can do chores”.

    That’s my philosophy as well but it most assuredly never entailed them cleaning up their own stick bottoms. Nor did it involve making children wear clothes and shoes that were too large for them and transporting wood that was too long/too heavy for them to carry up rickety stairs over and over and over again.

    When my kids were very little they would help with dishes, mopping, animal chores (filling water buckets and such), vacuuming (they loved vacuuming!) putting their clothes into the hamper, picking out their own clothes in the am, assisting with dinner preparation (mixing ingredients) and so on. As they got older they would have their own chores and build upon the skills. Then they reached the age where they “forgot” their chores a lot and so I “forgot” some things as well. It’s funny how they will not forget to do their chores when it mean they would get a permission slip signed for some fun trip or something.

  36. The phrase “they don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of ” keeps coming to mind.
    Reality is they use buckets and toss it into the woods

  37. Ditto to FB Refugee…deep belly laughing! hahahaha! The internet win today!

    Contrary to what Nicole stated, “……down my road. A road that goes to no where” (not exact quote), there are more homes on her road. Even down past the Naugler property. She is referring to nobody should be traveling that road, if they are it is to purposely harass her and Joe. In any event, it’s a public road, and perhaps your humoring signage suggestion might be appropriate. In the event someone witnesses a violation of the court order and deferment.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *