Summary of Q&A, Chapter 5

And from Sheer Luck:


CHAPTER FIVE (minutes 1:00 – 1:15)

TOPICS COVERED: Bitcoins and How To Launder Them; Background Checks and How to Avoid Them; Bad teeth; Bogus college degrees; Boarding horses; Best restaurant (Hardees, which is no surprise, but the reason it’s Joe’s pick made the Head-Scratcher List); Bragging about being able to eat all sorts of weird shit; Boiling turtles; and Best Course of Action During the Apocalyptic Event of Your Choice.

Head-Scratching Moments:
– At last, Joe reveals Why He Loves Hardees: Is it their burgers? No….Is it those curly, curly fries? No! It’s….their one-of-a-kind, can’t-get-it-anywhere-else All-You-Can-Drink-While-On-The-Premises policy! (Who wants to tell him?…Me, neither.)
– Joe is going to get his wife a nice new set of teeth after she has the baby (I myself prefer champagne and flowers)
– Joe is rather coy about what constitutes “authentic Chinese food”….

Fun Facts:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: The volcanic eruption originally slated to appear at Yellowstone National Park has been relocated to Mount St. Helens, Washington State. As of April 23 we have downgraded our eruption impact forecast from Catastrophic Explosion That Annihilates the North American Continent to “We Might See Some of the Ash.” (press release courtesy of Blessed Little Learning UnSchool Academy)
– If you visit Louisiana you can get Gator-On-A-Stick. Even if you’ve been vaccinated.
– There’s a difference between diagnosing someone as crazy and just deciding they are.
– Joe’s patriarchal blessings include “the power of discernment.” I think this comes with higher-level Pokémon.
– The secret of great parenting is to quietly steal up to your sleeping children, and one at a time, in each little ear, whisper “You’re my favorite…don’t tell the others.” Then leave the room and see how many seconds it takes for one of them to spill the beans. Don’t miss the beautiful, mutual moment of discovery that follows, as they realize Dad lies to all his children in equal measure.

Grins ‘n’ Giggles:
– from a viewer: “Show us the horse!” Things are getting rowdy in here!
– Joe: “We’re gonna start investing!” … Wait – he wasn’t joking.
– Joe: “We keep loaded guns all over the house, ha ha ha!” ….OK, that time he WAS joking. I know it’s not even remotely funny, but there we are.


14 thoughts on “Summary of Q&A, Chapter 5”

  1. As of April 23 we have downgraded our eruption impact forecast from Catastrophic Explosion That Annihilates the North American Continent to “We Might See Some of the Ash.”

    I laughed so hard.


  2. SheerLuck, you are a comedic genius.

    And dentures certainly are the gift that keeps giving. What every woman dreams of.

    In all seriousness did Joe really say he goes to Hardee’s for the all you can drink policy? Seriously?!

    About patriarchal blessings. Hey Joe, mine said the same shit. Lots of them say that. They are nothing special because they are made up shit. They have a formula and a set of things to say in them. They are trained to memorize certain lines and say them. It’s a con, kind of like the secret temple names. There is a formula. You can look up the day someone went to the temple and find what their super secret special temple name is.

    I left the church before my husband did. I was trying to convince him it was all a sham. So I told him what his new name was. Women don’t get to know their husband’s name but men know the women’s name. So I looked it up online and told him. Luckily he realized shortly after it was all baloney.

    So basically Joe, your patriarchal blessing doesn’t mean shit. It’s no different than going to some fortune teller with a crystal ball or tarot cards.


  3. “Joe: “We’re gonna start investing!” … Wait – he wasn’t joking.”

    If that were something he and Nicole were to start doing with their eventual dotage in mind, that would be a good thing. Of course I don’t think they’ll do it at all. Or their version of it will be burying money in canning jars around the property.

    I hope that the very young couple are contributing to their 401Ks or IRAs.


  4. I hope that the very young couple are contributing to their 401Ks or IRAs.

    You gotta be kidding. However, we’re not going to discuss it, please. 🙂


  5. I actually LOL’d when Joe mentioned with great glee that Hardees has a free refill policy. Like, who knew? How incredible! Maybe now that their secret is out other restaurants will do it too, and perhaps taking it a step farther, refills on food! Buffet style might work best for that… Shh. Nobody say anything. I’m gonna buy up about 65 acres of land and start investing!

    As for the bitcoin thing, I guarantee the “Alphabet Agencies” know all about what’s going on there. They love it when mouthy idiots get involved in shady shit, it helps them catch the bigger targets.


  6. 401K or IRAs-LOL! I about peed myself laughing! Calm down, they’re still young. I didn’t start mine until I was about mid 20s.
    Investing-Ha! I need diapers for this shitshow.
    I wonder if ma and pa have a retirement plan since they clearly can’t live off the land.


  7. With the heavy storms moving I cant help thinking about all those kids jammed into a sweaty muddy garden shed. I hope J has enough sense to go outside and smoke his dope


  8. How do they plan on surviving on their “homestead” in an apocalyptic event? Do they think such an event will magically clear the pond and make the water drinkable? Where is the gas for the generator going to come from? You’d think installing a well with a hand pump would be priority one for self sustainability, but apparently not for them. I hope they at least have a katadyn or similar water filter available for vehicle breakdown/weather emergencies that make getting fresh water impossible.

    Of course, someone who has such limited understanding of how measles outbreaks happen, and how vaccination and the immune system work cannot be expected to understand the importance of clean water.

    And how the fuck is Joe going to get N. new teeth after this baby? Is he going to have one of the kids whittle her a wooden set? If N. gets new teeth, its because she has groomed enough dogs to pay for them herself, unless they actually are filing taxes and getting that EITC for all of the kids after all.


  9. How is Joe going to gift dentures to Nicole? Is he going to let her buy them with her own hard earned money? Will he get a part time job to pay for them? Lol.


  10. WOW, so all this time, Mc Ds, BK, Wendys, and other restaurants dont have free refills? I wonder if they stash cups and go in and refill every day… cause its not good for everyday, only the day you are there. You are supposed to buy a new cup every day.

    pssssst medicaid doesnt cover dentures, pssssst dentures are about 4-5.. thousand dollars. PSSSSTT dentures wont cure all the plaque, gum disease, and whataver else is going on in there… a full periodontal work up is going to be required, and thats not covered under medicaid either. You are better off getting those fake teeth from Party city.

    Good luck retiring.. who is gonna pay for that? Pace Ellsworth and his new company?


  11. I love how Joe “I don’t do a lick of work unless Nicole is taking a photo of me pretending to do so” Naugler kept referring to everything Nicole (well mostly, the children) do: “Our bows”, “our grooming salon,” “our business.” He doesn’t do squat, yet claims equal credit.

    About having wooden teeth made for Nicole by their wood-working son – that’s about as close as Nicole will come to getting new teeth, at least if she’s waiting for that overstuffed recliner she calls a husband to somehow come up with the funds for some implants and/or ill-fitting dentures. I hope she at least Febreeze’s him every once in awhile.


  12. The shop looks roomy. I wonder if it has more sf than the shed? N must love that she gets to spend most of her time there. And of course she knows the difference between clean and squalor. The shop proves it.


  13. The secret to Joe’s success …

    He just whispers (ie: mouth breathes and smacks his lips while blowing spittle) in Nicole’s ear: “you’re my favorite, but don’t tell the others.” ?


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