My name is Samuel, Samuel.
My name is Samuel, Samuel.
My name is Samuel, an’ I’ll see you all in hell.
An’ I’ll see you all in hell,
Damn your eyes.
A guy named Samuel Shaffer is in big trouble.
Here’s the short version. It starts, it appears with Sam’s friend and follower, John Coltharp. Shaffer is an offshoot Mormon, and founder of a new religion which seems to consist of him and Coltharp. Coltharp and his wife divorced and she was awarded custody of their minor children. He didn’t like that, so he left, with Shaffer, and with the children.
Ultimately, Coltharp was found, but it took longer to find Shaffer and the children had been divided up. Two little girls (one a daughter of Shaffer and the other a daughter of Coltharp) were found in fifty-gallon barrels in sub-freezing temperatures without appropriate clothing and with no food or water. Supposedly, they were put there to hide them from the police.
Shaffer is in a shit load of trouble. He is also a bit weird, and it’s easy to see he is just by visiting his Facebook page and reading some of the comments.
Ordinarily, I would look at this story and think “Well, another dumbass religious goofball, this time Mormon. I wonder if he knows Warren Jeffs.”
But there is a twist to this story.
To make it meaningful, we have to return to yesteryear and revisit something.
This is just one screen shot. I have several like it, but one will suffice.
A long time ago, Todd Pate’s mother-in-law, who reads this blog, sent me a friend request on Facebook. I accepted it. I get lots of friend requests, and generally if you aren’t obviously in Bangladesh, or obviously fake, I’m fine with accepting them. I had absolutely no idea at the time that the woman was Todd Pate’s mother-in-law.
My friend list is not publicly visible, but hers was. Nicole was creeping around on her profile and found that I was her FB friend.
This morphed into “collusion” between me and Sheriff Pate’s office. There was lots of speculation, as you can see from what the Great Prophet wrote above. They have never let it go.
Todd Pate’s mother-in-law never did a single thing to anyone. In fact, during Pate’s little misadventure, supposedly his mother-in-law was one of the people he threatened to kill. Don’t you think it’s odd that the same woman would be in collusion with me to somehow discredit the Nauglers? Isn’t it weird that in the entire time we’ve been Facebook friends, she has never once mentioned Todd to me?
I am Facebook friends with Todd Pate’s mother-in-law and therefore I am in direct contact with Todd Pate and we are conspiring to do something or other.
Well, here you go.
Now then, did Joe know about this kidnapping? Did Joe help Samuel? Is Joe part of Samuel’s new religion? Is Joe planning to flee with his own children and learning how from Samuel? After all, Joe is, in fact, Facebook friends with this guy.
And not just Joe.
So, how does Pace figure into all this? Did Pace make a loan to Samuel to help him hide from the police, or set up his new religion? Are Joe and Pace conspiring together to go into hiding with Samuel and his buddy Coltharp? Are they conspiring to form a polygamist cult with Samuel as the head prophet and Joe as his understudy?
Are these questions ridiculous?
I don’t think so. If Joe and Nicole can turn a simple Facebook friend request into proof of conspiracy to commit crimes, I can do the same thing.
Own up to it, Joe.