Nicole reads the blog. Nicole says she doesn’t but she actually reads every word I write. That’s so flattering.
Nicole has been scrolling back, looking at old posts to find things to be pissed off about. She is “easily amused” with the little piece called “Buckets and Bows” found here.
The entire point of that piece was to talk about how many bows it would take to pay for a Porta Potty. You know, instead of just giving in and getting their septic system up and inspected. I was basically making fun of their financial priorities.
And I did a bit of speculating about the cost she incurs in making a single bow.
Nicole spent a bit of time this afternoon, since she has so much time on her hands what with a full time business to run and eleven children to interact with, correcting my figures.
And she didn’t stop there. She is big time mad at Patricia, her former employer, so she went on to critique her as well.
Your grooming quality sucks as much as your bows do.
Well, let’s just let the world decide. Here are some of Patricia’s bows, and remember, she doesn’t sell them. They simply go with the dogs when they are groomed.
And here are Nicole’s bows. You decide.
I found it all sort of interesting, frankly.
First off, Nicole just had not a clue what I was talking about in the first place.
My guess was that it would take 1725 bows to pay for the Porta Potty for an entire year. Here’s what I said.
Actually about 220 Bows [sic] ties, or flowers Or [sic] I could groom 4 dogs.
Really? The cost of a Porta Potty for a whole year is $1272. Nicole earns (after expenses) $1272 for grooming four dogs? She gets $318 for grooming a single dog? If so, I am going into the dog grooming business.
I am going to assume here that Nicole is having trouble reading all this, and thought I was saying that it would take 1725 bows to pay for the Porta Potty for a month. Math is hard, but apparently reading comprehension is harder. So she says, no, it would take 220 bows per month, or she could groom 4 dogs. The four dogs thing makes sense, if she’s talking about a month, because the price of the Porta Potty is $106/month, and her profit from grooming a dog would be about $25 (after expenses).
But if that’s the case, then the figure of 220 bows is for a month, too. And if you multiply that by 12 (write it down, Nicole), you get not the 1725 bow figure I came up with, but a whopping 2640 bows. Either that, or she’s trying to say that they make almost $6 profit on every bow (in which case, I’m going into the bow-making business).
So my estimate about how many bows would be required was way too low. It’s actually almost 1000 more. Sheesh. All so they can say they didn’t give in to the ebil guvmint.
But her main beef was my estimated costs of her expenses to make the bows.
What Nicole is basically saying here is that I estimated way too high. And I concede. That may very well be true. I have no way to know if she has some Hobby Lobby coupon, or what the percentage off might be. All I did was look around online a little bit and find the going price for ribbon and the other supplies and make some guesses. I wasn’t claiming to have any exact figures and I think I made that pretty clear.
So I was way too high on expenses.
Her bows, of course, are wonderful quality, made from the finest materials, better than anyone anywhere.
My bows are quality and my customers agree.
See? Wonderful stuff. Fabulous. The best to be had anywhere.
Only, then she insists that the stuff she uses is
cheap as dirt on Ebay.
She wants the whole world to know that she uses the cheapest shit she can find. She uses the absolute dirt cheap crap she finds on Ebay and at Hobby Fucking Lobby to make her fabulous bows.
I suppose that all that cheap crap turns into quality simply because she touches it. You know, like “the touch of the Master’s hand.”
So she’s doing another bow sale. Gotta pay for that Porta Potty somehow.
Last time the goal was to have $1000 in orders. Again, she’s unclear here, so I don’t know if she means that they need to make $1000 profit or if she simply has a goal of $1000 in sales. That’s not the same thing, Nicole, just in case you don’t understand.
Anyway, $1000 was the goal.
They did “great” last time and sold less than half that amount.
I wonder what “abysmal failure” would look like.
But no matter. I took the liberty of fixing up her sale ad to better reflect the message she is trying to send the world.
Not a rewrite. An update because I love it too when people who don’t know what they are talking about put their ignorance on display like this.