Gasbag

gaslightingclaim

It’s time to talk about the term gaslighting.

It’s a go-to term that people who perceive themselves as victims love to use. Most of them have no idea what it actually means and they plaster the word everywhere and accuse nearly everyone of doing it.  I’ve been accused of it so often I’ve lost count of the different incidents.

I’m accused of this because I disagree openly and publicly with people and they don’t like it.

gaslightdefinition

There is the definition from Google.

The expression comes from a 1944 film called “Gas Light,” in which Ingrid Bergman plays the role of a woman whose husband wants to convince both her and other people that she is nuts. To do this, he changes small things in their environment and then insists that she is imagining things, that what she perceives as real is not real at all.

The important thing here is that gaslighting involves a deliberate effort to make somebody believe that something did not happen that clearly did, in fact, happen, or that something happened in a certain way, when it clearly did not.

Here’s an example.

trump

This is Trump’s statement, his so-called apology, about the “pussy grabbing” tape.  The tweet below it is from a series of them done by a psychotherapist named Leah McElrath. I highly recommend reading the whole page. (It’s just a bunch of tweets. It’s not a huge long article.)

So, now you see what gaslighting is.  It is deliberate. In Trump’s case, he did it to deflect guilt.  He knew he couldn’t simply deny that he’d ever said the thing that he quite obviously and clearly said, so he began to “spin” the perception of his own words.

And I will note there that I could have chosen a different politician to use as an example of this, since many of them do it.  However, nobody, and I mean nobody, does it as brazenly or as openly or as often as Trump, so he was easy.  And it’s not just politicians. We all have a tendency to try this. We want reality to be altered so we don’t feel guilty, or so Mom doesn’t think we’re guilty, or so that teacher doesn’t know we cheated, or so that boyfriend doesn’t figure out what actually happened last Saturday night.

Some of us are better at it than others. Being a sociopath (as I think Trump is) helps.  You have to be able to just blatantly lie, and do so convincingly.  Most people can’t pull it off very well. The attempt simply falls flat, and that’s a good thing.

But remember, it’s deliberate.

Now, let’s talk about what gaslighting is not.

Gaslighting is not simply disagreeing with another person.

Let’s assume that two people witness an accident, a little fender-bender.  How about a fender-bender that didn’t even cause any fender-bending?

One person says that the accident occurred because the vehicle in front slowed and when the driver of the car behind tried to pass the front vehicle, the front vehicle sped up and blocked the way.

The other witness says that the person in the back actually struck the vehicle in front deliberately, due to impatience or irritation or carelessness.

This, if left right there, is simply a difference of opinion in how the accident occurred. From the viewpoint of one driver, the other driver was at fault, and vice versa.

This is not gaslighting.

This is just a difference of opinion.  Two people see the same event differently.  It happens all the time.  This is the reason, by the way, that eyewitness testimony in a court is considered much weaker than forensic evidence.

One of them calls the police. The policeman comes, and takes statements from each of the drivers. There is no damage, and everyone concerned declines to press any charges.  The policeman is fine with that and leaves.

Months later, the people in the front vehicle decide that the little fender-bender, that bent no fenders, was actually “vehicular assault,” implying a deliberate attempt to cause bodily harm, and begin bashing the other driver on the internet.

Now we have gaslighting.

From a fender bender that bent no fenders, we get accusations of an attempt to quite literally kill the occupants of the other vehicle.  Couple that with all sorts of accusations of that driver being a”crazy bitch,” and it becomes classic.  It’s an attempt to alter the perception of the reality of what occurred that day.  This is not about a difference of opinion. It’s about an attempt to paint a picture that quite clearly never existed and convince us all that it represents reality.

Nicole asks her commenter, “Do you know what gaslighting is?”

Nicole should know. She engages in it.

 

 

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24 thoughts on “Gasbag”

  1. Poor little victim Nicole. Nobody is buying her shit anymore. So, quick!!! Run to the quickest excuse as to why she has done absolutely nothing wrong and everyone is out to get her and her “well cared for” children.

    Nicole, spend half as much energy on bathing your kids at least twice a week and feeding them real food at least 3 times a day. Hell, maybe read them a damned book. Might I suggest, “what to expect when you’re expecting” for the eldest Naugs? Perhaps he will get a real picture of what pregnancy is like for somebody other than a baby factory?

    Good to see F has already begun some prenatal care. Pregnancy can be painful, hope she has a warm and comfy bed to rest in.

    Nicole, is the cold hurting yet? How’s your tiny baby doing with the cold? Is he allowed to go to the shop? Or forced with his sister mom to stay behind and cater to fat ass?

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  2. Wow she must need attention..she want a person to slow down? Why…so she can say they were slowing down to spy

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  3. What’s the chances of the Naugler family just going away? NN doesn’t “like” the attention or the drama, but yet, she feeds off of it. Does it make her feel important to always be in the limelight? For someone to have such a “thriving business, she sits on facebook ALL. DAY. LONG. Either business sucks, or her kids are doing the work for her(no surprise there). It just seems like this is never ending. Maybe if she’d just shut up, her life wouldn’t be in the spotlight

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  4. I found the “What to Expect” series rather sanctimonious and full of more-granola-than-thou snobbery. But it may be helpful to the young parents.

    I think “The Girlfriend’s Guide” books to be funnier and more willing to laugh about some of the indignities of pregnancy and parenthood. They can be annoying too, of course, but they’re not as stuffy.

    Best wishes to the young adults. Now is an excellent time to continue with your studies, or go to school to get certified in a field that will pay well. Not to mention health insurance. Don’t trust to luck or the generosity of strangers to pay for the costs of bringing up your baby. Break from the Naugler family tradition of making others responsible for paying for your life choices. Literally.

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  5. The woman just needs to shut her mouth, walk away from the internet and take care of her children. While she is at it, she could keep her asshole husband from harming their kids. She needs to be a mom. She doesn’t need to be an attention seeking bag of gas.

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  6. Why is nicc nog along people to slow down on a dirt road? She thinks someone is pissed at their parents? Maybe because everytime someone slows down she thinks it’s a spy?

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  7. Kora you’ll probably get that answer tomorrow when it’s extremely cold here.

    Right now it’s 65° outside, and we have just been upgraded from a tornado watch to a tornado warning.

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  8. Ass Cancer.

    Joe and Nicole Naugler would never be worth an illegal act. Who could be arsed with that sort of stupidity? They’re simply not worth the trouble. They are their own worst enemies, anyway. Eventually, all their stupid choices will come home to roost.

    That said…

    If I have one Christmas wish, it’s for either or both of them to come down with incurable ass cancer.

    Please Baby Jesus….send Nicole and Joe each an anal fistula the size of the Ohio river and a screaming case of ass cancer. Amen.

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  9. I sincerely hope that the latest developments are simply a fundraiser by Nicole and Joe Naugler. If they are not, and the Nauglers really do have to move (presumably because they’ve missed payments), in my opinion this is probably it for this family. This would presumably exclude the eldest, who by virtue of his fiancée has an escape hatch, though he may suffer a substantial financial hit.

    I say this because I am extremely skeptical that they will be able to find a new place to live that is >= the current domicile. They are on a razor-thin wire of providing what has apparently been deemed to be adequate lodging for humans and animals. Homelessness by itself is often not a reason for CPS to step in, provided that adequate shelter could be provided by an organization that looks after homeless families. But the rub here is that I would hypothesize that there is not a shelter in the whole of the USA, let alone the requested 30-mile radius, that could take in this entire family, or possibly even half the family. Thus, it is possible they will have to split up.

    A cursory Google by any prospective landlord may ultimately be their downfall due to the viral online infection ignited so many months ago. So many people with the best of intentions recommended that they close down social media. Their refusal to do so, under the guise of “not backing down”, may now force them to do just that, in my opinion.

    I say this with no happiness, but with only despair for the kids. Kids love their parents through thick in thin while they are young. Even though in my opinion their current situation is tragic, this will be compounded if they are separated. There was never going to be a happy ending to this story.

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  10. She did this last year too. And was met with dissapointment. Most of the people who were following said she shouldn’t give up.

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  11. I maintain that whatever awful thing that Nicole says is being done to her, she’s been doing for ages on anyone who will pay attention to her. She needs to stop advertising her actions by saying other people are doing them.

    BTW as a lover of old movies Gaslight is one of my favorites. I think that was Angela Lansbury’s film debut. She plays the maid.

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  12. he may suffer a substantial financial hit.

    In order to suffer a substantial financial hit, one first must have finances.

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  13. “In order to suffer a substantial financial hit, one first must have finances.”

    Relatively speaking, of course, and only in reference to his new, well, cabin. ?

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  14. I just can’t wrap my head around how and why this hasn’t tired her out enough to quit this shit and move on! She’s never gonna win! NEVER!

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  15. Can you imagine being in the little shed in the winter with all that bean eating? Can you imagine the noises & the smell coming from Joe alone?? I sure hope no one lights a match when Joe is gassing.

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  16. Nicole is delusional, and addicted to her false reality. I cannot imagine what living with her must be like for the children. One minute, a mom who laughs at their antics and takes a 30-second video; the next minute freaking out over a person driving past the house. A mom who never kisses and comforts them but encourages target practice. A trail of broken promises, white buckets heavy with human waste, nameless slop for dinner, having to earn a pittance doing your mom’s job so you might get a fast food burger, and the frequent abusive yelling by your father. Joe and Nicole have gas-lighted their own kids.

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  17. Gaslighting goes a bit beyond just saying months later that a fender-bender was assault. Posting just that is just someone lying. If that front-driver starts posting details and twisting them to create a narrative with the intent of trying to make the back-driver question whether or not they really did get impatient, then you’re getting gaslighting. It’s not just a difference of opinion, a difference in perception, or just plain lying about something. What Trump did is a lie. Nicole calling that non-fender-bender assault is a lie.

    Here is an unsettling example.

    Jack and Jill were dating, and they have sex. Jill said no before it started, and Jack pushed on anyway. So it’s rape, even if Jill’s body biological functioned in a way that she orgasmed. (This happens. It really happens.) A few months later, Jill gets up the guts to leave, and has a safe place to go, and so she packs up the cat and leaves while Jack is at work, and she tells someone who…anyway, it ends up in court.

    In court, Jack says Jill said she wanted it. Jill knows that’s a lie. There’s nothing to back up her wanting it. This is a lie, not gaslighting.

    Now say that Jack said Jill said yes, and he knows she really wanted it because she had an orgasm, and if he raped her, why did she not leave him immediately? Besides, she was the one who initiated sex on their anniversary a few weeks later. Now Jill is wondering if she remembered right. Did she say no, or did she just mean to? After all, she DID orgasm, so she must have really wanted it, right? And she did stay, so she couldn’t really have been upset right afterward since she didn’t leave, and she actually initiated sex at some point after that…

    In the first instance, Jack is just lying. In the second, he’s using information to deliberately fuck with her memory to get her to question what really happened.

    All gaslighting involves lying, but not all lying is gaslighting.

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  18. @1/55, the WTE books aren’t granola. There is no support for homebirths, and they treat birth like it’s something that will always happen in a hospital. It’s an anti-granola book full of worst-case scenarios. I had no opinion either way until I was pregnant, was given one, and pretty much none of it applied since I was planning a homebirth.

    @MyNameGoesHere, even if there was a shelter that could take them all, I think CPS could step in not because they’re basically homeless, but because Nicole and Joe adamantly refuse to take steps to improve things. It’s not like they’re trying and failing. They’re arguing against trying in the first place, and fight against trying. If they were on welfare of any sort that we knew about, they’d be the poster family of the GOP’s dreams. “Why, look at those people, fighting against working while taking tax money! What lazy louts! Ban all welfare!”

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone try as hard to not work as the Nauglers.

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  19. “He doesn’t have a new cabin. He has a rental on a garden shed. Easy come, easy go.”

    As it was procured prior to turning 18, he has no financial stake in whether it stays or goes. He couldn’t legally sign a contract to purchase it.

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  20. What Trump did is a lie.

    Not according to the professional who analyzed it. She considered it gaslighting. I will defer to the pro in this case.

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  21. Kaylee – my children are probably a bit older than yours and I remember the early WTE books. They make it pretty clear that if you don’t breastfeed, you’re a failure. I don’t think there is a perfect book or books on the topic. I laughed at/with Vicki Iovine’s books because sometimes humor is necessary. Also because they don’t seem to have some sort of guilt-tripping agenda. Although I do think the “push present” idea is gauche.

    I did breastfeed my children because I happened to have a job with the flexibility to do so and bosses who gave me the time and opportunity to do to pump and store breast milk. However it was a time-consuming pain in the ass and if I had decided to stuff it, I would have done so. Much to the displeasure of the WTE crowd. Perhaps that was then and they’re less pushy about it now.

    “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone try as hard to not work as the Nauglers.”

    They put a lot of effort into it, don’t they?

    “Do or do not, there is no try.” Yoda

    I don’t know if I should laugh or cry at sage advice that is delivered by a puppet and voiced by Frank Oz. I think I’ll take the middle road and be impressed – then go find “The Dark Crystal” and view it again.

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