Amber went viral the other day.

I’m actually not surprised that she did, although it’s disheartening, because Amber is wrong.

In part, she says:

 I want to hear about your divorce.

She goes on with this gem:

I want to hear if your partner has been abusing you. . .  I want to hear of your bad days, your pregnancy loss, your fight with your spouse. I want to know if your kids have driven you to want to walk out that door or drown yourself in wine.

Her reasoning is that somehow if you can’t go on social media and totally trash another person (your spouse, your partner, your kid), you will ultimately commit suicide.

People end their lives every day because they think it’s not okay to talk openly about their feelings.

One phenomenon I have noticed on social media that is disheartening is the level of gullibility displayed by so many people.

Amber has 322 Facebook friends.  I suppose it’s possible that she personally knows all of those 322 people, but I doubt it.  Hardly anyone knows all their Facebook friends in real life. I sure don’t.

During my time on social media, I have met some folks that I count among my good friends today.  Not good Facebook friends. Good real life friends. I have either met them in person or talked with them extensively by telephone, real life contact. They have visited where I live. I have visited where they live.

I just did a little count on my own Facebook page. I have never met or spoken with 2/3 of the people on my friend list in real life. Four people on my friend list are dead (five if I include Nathan), and I keep them as “friends” just because I loved them.  The ones I do know are people who are former neighbors, or people we knew well in places we’ve lived other than here. Facebook is a great way to keep up with them.

But roughly 2/3 are people who I acquired along the way. I rarely make friend requests, so the majority of those people sent me the request.  I don’t really know them.  In some cases, I’ve followed their Facebook posts long enough to get their personality, but even that can be very deceiving.

I have met, in real life, several people that I first met on Facebook.  Most of the time, these folks are exactly as I pictured them. We liked each other in the virtual world and we like each other face-to-face. We’ve met for meals. We’ve met at events.

But there have been two incidents where I met people in real life that I knew online and the outcomes were absolutely awful.  In one case, the woman spent the night at our house and it was just a disaster. In another, we had what I thought was a great time and then it went south much later.

I’ve learned to be a little bit wary.

So when somebody I really don’t know at all posts something on Facebook totally trashing another person who is not present, who I don’t know either, and describing circumstances that I cannot check, I take it with a huge grain of salt. I do not have a knee-jerk response of “Oh, what an awful person. You need to report him/her to the police” or “How can anyone be so terrible? You were right to leave him.”

Here’s a personal example.

Notice the gullibility on the part of Christiane Liggett.  She says she just found out my name. Yet, Cathy declares that I am a “serial stalker” and that Lisa (the “suspended lawyer friend”) sends “rape threats.”  And Christiane replies, “OMG! That’s horrific!”

It’s not horrific because it’s not true.  Cathy is currently waiting for a court date to face charges of making false accusations to the police.  In other words, Cathy is a serial liar, something I’ve proven over and over again. Yet, she makes false statements on social media, trashing other people, and is automatically believed without question.

Christiane even asked about my background, got it all wrong, and wasn’t corrected.

This is common. It’s so common that I rarely comment or even read it when people post all about their divorce, or their fight with their spouse, or their huge argument with their neighbor or the school board.  I don’t know the facts, and I am not going to be dragged into somebody else’s clothesline where they are airing their dirty laundry.  In fact, the quickest way to find yourself booted from my Facebook page is to start doing that.

Of course, Nicole grabbed Amber’s post and shared it with the single comment:  “This.”

She thinks it’s great.  It validates her.  She’s supposed to share all this stuff online.  It’s not just her right. It’s her fucking duty.

When I started the original Romancing website several years ago, I knew I was putting myself in the line of fire. I knew there would be repercussions (there were) and that I risked being criticized pretty severely (I was, and still am).  I make a decision to do it anyway because I believed then (and still do) that the positives outweigh the negatives.

But the point is that I knew. I understood that when I use personal experiences to illustrate some point or other I’m trying to make that somebody will decide that I’m a serial killer, or a serial stalker, or that I say mean things about rape victims. I understood that somebody would ultimately start trashing my son.

This is what happens when you go public. It’s part of the landscape. Free speech works both ways. You don’t get to go on Facebook and say horrible things about your spouse, who you are divorcing, and think that his family and friends aren’t going to retaliate in some way.  You can’t expect to say anything you like and suffer no consequences and have only responses of “Oh, I feel so badly for you.  Can’t you get a cease and desist letter?” or shit like that.

But you see, even Amber really understands this, or maybe she figured it out after she wrote her  little piece and went viral.  She didn’t mean to go viral, of course, but that’s the risk you take on social media.

I am BEYOND honored at the hundreds of friend requests I have received today but I am so sorry, I cannot accept every one. I have children and post lots of photos of them and adding 600 strangers is a bit daunting and terrifying.

Oh wait. She looked at the prospect of having a bazillion people see her personal stuff and said, “I didn’t mean that.  No.”

But you see, she made the original post public. I think somebody asked her to do it so they could share it, but ultimately it was her choice. Furthermore, she has it set so anyone on the planet can comment.  That’s her choice.  I have my whole Facebook page set that way, but I know what can happen and accept the risks.

Unlike Nicole, Amber gets it, even if she had to figure it out by writing that silly post.  Her photos of her children are set to friends only or something private.  That’s as it should be.  If she wants to whine about a fight with her spouse, she can do it privately. Only her friends can see it and they can ditch her if they don’t like it.  Or her spouse can ditch her. Either one works.

It’s 2018. I think it’s about time we learn to open up to others.

Actually, no.  It’s about time we learn that a Facebook friend isn’t necessarily a friend at all.  It’s about time we learned that children (and spouses and neighbors and co-workers) deserve some degree of privacy. It’s about time we learned that strangers are not interested in every grievance we think we have suffered.

It’s 2018 and it’s about time we learned that what is posted on social media is forever and that we might regret it one day.


24 thoughts on “Consequences”

  1. The best thing is when someone overshares like crazy then turns around and goes “But HOW did they KNOW??!” whenever a stranger mentions some detail of their life. Idiot, they know because YOU told them.


  2. I haven’t posted one thing on FB for over a year. Why? Because some of my kids (well to be real just about all of them) don’t want me posting how wonderful they are and posting pictures of their lives even when they were kids. It’s ok to them if I do it on instagram. So I post pics there. I still have my FB account just don’t use it. I would delete it but I have so many pics on it. It’s all private as much as can be on FB. I am not the only mom out here with this problem. Most everyone I know with kids has this issue with their grown kids. I only go on FB to watch the drama show with the Blessed ones. I do agree that people can over share. I mean really, did we all need to see the pics of the birth?


  3. “I want to know if your kids have driven you to want to walk out that door or drown yourself in wine.”

    Ok…so we should PUBLICLY share this kinda stuff, eh?

    Because your kids reading it…and you know they will…isn’t insanely toxic shitty parenting?

    Do these people realize that kids are human beings who are affected by this crap?

    This kinda shit is stuff you say…in confidence…to your best friend or sister. It’s not something you broadcast for the world to see because it has consequences: It hurts your kids!!!

    Nicole and Joe are experts on how to be completely oblivious to hurting your kids.


  4. I can’t stand FB for the most part. I use it to follow the shit show, to check for new blog posts, and to go on the couple groups I’m active in. I do post occasionally, usually a silly meme, once in a while a funny work story. I also like to scroll through looking for interesting or odd stories (which is how I found the Blessed Fools).

    The thing people do that cracks me up the most, is post some whining, bitching, ambiguous statement, so that everyone will say “oh dear, what’s wrong?”. Of course, the poster never tells. It’s always “I’ll PM you”. Then do that to begin with, and stfu with your attention seeking! I’ve unfollowed a lot of people over that very thing. So annoying!

    Amber’s about-face was very comical, lol. Atleast she had the wherewithal to know better.


  5. I don’t get the need some people have to share very personal aspects of their lives with hundreds of thousands of other people. In part because he is active duty military, and in part because he just likes his privacy, I post only limited photos and into about my son on FB. A cousin of mine who is a proud grandma, stopped posting pics of her grandkids on FB at the request of the parents. More people are wising up and cutting back on over sharing on social media.


  6. My favourite is how she posts every damn thing including photos of her own anus (sorry there is no way to word that delicately) publicly and then calls everyone who has an opinion a stalker. LOL


  7. I am of the opinion that if you have a problem with an individual you should talk to them first. I don’t want to be your emotional dumpster. If you are angry at your husband, don’t come to me to “vent” rather than talk it out with him. Don’t tell me “he should know.” No one is a mind reader and unless you tell him you can’t be sure he knows. I’m happy to be a supportive friend, but I refuse to encourage others to sabatoge their relationships by hearing things that really should be shared with the person being complained about.

    Life isn’t always easy, and relationships are hard. I’m happy to be a supportive and listening ear. I am not a emotional dumpster; there’s a difference between the two.


  8. Hahahahaha!

    So, “this” is great, but when you share all sorts of information about yourself online “this” is bad because Trolls ™ criticize you! Then Nicole states that she is being “stalked” when people use the information she has posted online to criticize her. She doesn’t like that.



  9. I’m happy to be a supportive friend, but I refuse to encourage others to sabatoge their relationships by hearing things that really should be shared with the person being complained about.

    Yes. This.


  10. In my experience there is a very strong correlation between oversharing and drama and bullshit. I do know virtually all my Facebook friends but if I wanted to discuss my dirty laundry it seems far more appropriate to do it in a non public fashion but then I have real friends


  11. Just so y’all know, I’m drowning myself in wine tonight. My kid is great and so is my husband…we had an awesome evening. I just like wine, and I felt like drowning. In wine.


  12. I am going to kinda, partially agree with Amber in the sense that I don’t think that people should be told what they can or can’t post on Facebook. While it’s my opinion that dirty laundry shouldn’t be posted on Facebook, whatever other people do is kinda “meh”, some stuff annoys me, I just shake my head at other stuff and I comment on the stuff that I have a strong opinion about.

    What does annoy me is that these people who over share and mock and criticize are always so offended if someone does the same thing to them. The problem is they want the right to say and do whatever they want, but they don’t want the same for anyone else.

    NN is the perfect example of this. When she is critical of a group or person, she is just exercising her right to free speech. When someone else is critical of her, they are a stalker who is harassing her family. The cognitive dissonance sure is something with this one.


  13. Several years ago two friends of a friend and I were driving back from NY. Their son and his girlfriend had a baby girl, less than a year old. This couple had pretty much taken this young lady in and provided a home, structure, love and support for 3 years or so. She adored them both, particularly his mother.

    Then she had her baby and it all came tumbling down.

    Her biological mother was and is a MESS. Many of us know what happens when you have a baby. All those long thoughtful discussions about how to raise the child – mostly out the window. You’re exhausted. You’re half-crazy from lack of sleep. You’re snappish. Imagine if you will, your FOO being endless drama, being pulled around emotionally and possibly physically from pillar to post – you will do what everyone does (at least at first) and snap back to behaving similarly to your parents. If you don’t realize that you can love someone AND miss them but NOT be like them, you may act irrationally.

    That is what this young woman did. She suddenly felt a huge emotional surge of love towards her mother and mistook behaving differently with disloyalty. So she took off with the baby and the Facebook drama began.

    My advice to them was to disengage entirely. But first, put up a post that basically stated that this little girl has two parents and many others who love her fiercely and her needs were primary. That while they understood why friends were going to the young mother’s page to argue and contradict what she had written, to please stop. It wasn’t important or relevant. She was safe and everything would be worked out between the two parents, who love their daughter, and their girl’s best interests were the only thing that mattered. Then stop posting publicly, privately and do NOT TRASH his girlfriend. GO SEE AN ATTORNEY. That today’s feuding couple may be tomorrow’s reconciling couple. The young lady may come to realize that she needed therapy in addition to the both of them maturing some more. Even if they never reconciled they were going to have to deal with one another for the rest of their lives.

    Happily, they did just that. The custody agreement was hammered out. Within two years they did reconcile and they have been doing very well ever since.

    The moral of the story was they didn’t overshare and they were proactive. They didn’t trash her (despite their fury), they asked their friends and family to leave her alone and not talk smack about her and they froze their pages. It gave the attorney a lot to work with (in their favor) but it also gave her a chance to pull herself together and regain some of her dignity.


  14. Speaking of consequences, big day tomorrow Cathy! Don’t overheat the iron when pressing your outfit for court.

    I hope to be there to observe. My hair will be in a knotty updo.


  15. I would tell Amber that I value my privacy and have no desire to provide her with voyeuristic entertainment. Unlike Amber or any Naugler adult, I care about how I present myself to the public. It can make or break me professionally. The Nauglers seem to think they are managing their image and they are. They are just managing it to discredit themselves as much as possible. Amber seems to be a Dr. Phil / Jerry Springer voyeur and seems to be annoyed that others do not wish to use their every day lives as fodder for her entertainment.

    Do not care what you had for breakfast, lunch, dinner. Not impressed that you make some weird appetizer or ate a bowl of cereal. Do not care about your vacation, really. Do not care that your kid did something stupendous. I think some people believe that if they broadcast their fears, hopes, defeats, or successes publicly then it ‘counts’ more. In actuality, if they want their kid or spouse to know they love them it is far more real to say it directly and privately to their kid or spouse. It seems much of the time that the ‘bragging’ on social media is really about the poster’s ego rather than the quality of any real relationship. This is a concept that is completely lost on Nicole Naugler and also apparently her desperate rabble followers.


  16. Poor old Nicole Celeste Naugler is manic again today and it’s not even a closed salon day. I may not have a page anymore but people send me messages. I’ve even acquired some newbies from the closed groups. How private does she think something is if she posts it in a closed group of 50,000 or more, even and especially when her charming personality pisses the shit out of people so that they go to the trouble to find out that she is more than Nicole Celeste that she is the infamous Nicole Naugler. Then it’s just a hop, skip and jump to her very own blog or page for people to find my name and contact me. Hint: if you make nasty posts and comments set to public then the public is going to see it. It doesn’t matter that you blocked or were blocked by the people that you are publicly attacking online. If you act like a nasty bitch to people they may seek out people who have stood up to you. They rat you out with glee in their hearts.

    Family court is probably coming soon. She seems desperate for stalkers/excuses/attention/victimhood. She’s been calling out for them with no luck. How is she going to spin “they didn’t do what the court stipulated” if she doesn’t have “trolls” to blame it on? Somehow I don’t think Court is going to go the way she hopes it goes or has been trying to sell to the 47,000 that follow Blessed Little Homestead (but only 1,000 who are getting her posts per Nicole, and the handful of humpers who interact). Here’s hoping that the state doesn’t fail those poor children again.

    It will, as always, be entertaining to watch the fallout.

    One last thought: losers weepers, finders keepers. I saw an opportunity and I took it. I turned her bad karma into good karma. Maybe next time she wants to lie on sworn statements to the court and drag someone into her real life craziness because she got her panties in a wad about something they said online she will think twice. While I doubt she’d understand because in her imaginary world she takes zero responsibility for her actions, there are more ways then one to recoup your losses. Losses caused entirely by Nicole in her attempt to get her revenge and mainly to violate my constitutional right to free speech and free assembly. I could have sued her and most probably won, but the idea of being in a closed room with her and Joseph Naugler (honestly they smell so badly to me that I get nauseous) day in day out repulsed me. That and most importantly I couldn’t live with the idea of taking what little those children have away from them. So I took the money I would have spent on lawyers and applied it to something wonderful. A business that makes products that make people happy and makes my partner and I happy and doesn’t impact her grooming salon one whit (no matter what kind of bullshit story she hysterically sold to people who obviously have a massive failure in the thinking department). A business that will also donate a portion of the profits to kids in need, specifically to the LGBTQIAPK community, because if there is one thing I believe in it’s the rights of children. They are autonomous people not property or little mini me’s. They have the right to be loved, nurtured and accepted for who they are. They are our future and it is our obligation, our joy, to see that we do right by them.


  17. I am going to kinda, partially agree with Amber in the sense that I don’t think that people should be told what they can or can’t post on Facebook.

    I totally agree. I’m not telling anyone what they can or cannot post. I’m saying that I don’t want to read it, and in fact, won’t read it if I can help it. I’m also saying that if you choose to overshare, you might suffer consequences that you don’t like very much. People might just think the opposite of what you want them to think and they might say so.


  18. I heard something years ago, if you hang around with people that are complaining about their spouse, you get involved, and it changes the way you feel about your spouse.


  19. Oooh, that’s right. Cathy Harris Does Criminal Court, the movie,🤣, starts filming tomorrow. Tekla a short note about the proceedings would be delightful. The rest I will patiently await (the public records request of video of the trial).

    What will she wear? A foot bootie? Will she have a giant bandage on her booboo foot? My dog does that. When he gets in trouble he holds up his paw and whines in a misguided attempt to weasel his way out of trouble and for sympathy.


  20. Timely post. I had to sit through a lecture this morning about ethics and professionalism. A good amount of time was devoted to sharing information on social media platforms. The main focus was the pitfalls and legality of sharing patient information, but there was agood chunk of time devoted to warning students about oversharing personal information and how that can affect your professional life. Being an older student, I can clearly remember a pre-internet time, but privacy is apparently so uncommon now that we needed to have a class on it. What a sad state of affairs.


  21. @6x1y

    I believe hanging out with people that constantly complain about their spouse has a big effect from my own experience. I’ve actually ended a friendship because the woman absolutely refused to stop bitching about her husband to me rather than actually talk to him. All her complaining was about things she said “he should know” but she wasn’t willing to talk to him about. One issue being the frequency of their sex life; I honestly don’t want to talk about another persons sex life, and I’m absolutely not going to discuss mine with anyone other than my husband.


  22. I totally agree. I’m not telling anyone what they can or cannot post. I’m saying that I don’t want to read it, and in fact, won’t read it if I can help it. I’m also saying that if you choose to overshare, you might suffer consequences that you don’t like very much. People might just think the opposite of what you want them to think and they might say so.

    100%. People mistake freedom of speech with freedom of consequences of that speech.
    I once told someone that they are free to act like an asshole and I am also free to tell them they are acting like an asshole. They told me that I wasn’t allowed to judge them, and I just quoted the words of Rust Cole “Everyone judges, all the time. If you’re worried about that, you’re living wrong.”

    I would also just like to add the disclaimer that I don’t think it is ever okay to negatively judge someone about the things over which they have no control like race, gender, sexual orientation, etc.


  23. I’ve had a page since 2009 and it’s always been locked down pretty tight. Therefore, Nicole was convinced I was a sock. She can’t wrap her mind around the fact that not everyone wants to blare their lives across social media. I don’t. Not for love and most certainly not for money.


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